I'm not a writer. I've never been a writer. Photography, video, design is usually how I like to express myself. Not writing. Spelling and grammar is not a strong suit for me and neither is proof reading. The fact is I'm horrible at it but it will not stop me this time. This would make my 6th attempt at starting and maintaining a blog. You know what they say, "6th time's a charm". Nope, nobody says that, but here's to making the 6th time a charm.My name is Joey. Five years ago I was unemployed, just over a year from being let go from my dream job as a rock radio morning show host in my home town of Topeka, KS. I weighed over 400lbs, in a dead end relationship, extremely flakey, overly bossy, a true asshole and a person suffering from no self love, no self worth, and zero self esteem. I needed to make a change but didn't know how.
I faked my misery pretty good. My friends thought I was a huge positive guy always inspiring them but when it came to me every roadblock I came across felt like someone had taken a big part of me and set it on fire. It took everything very personally and it was killing me. Worrying about what everyone else thought of me was magnified by a hundred. I played a big talker but I was just a scared fat man. This continued for an additional three more years.
2012 would be the year my life would change. I found work as a digital marketer for a start up company that eventually sold to a large corporation and things were good on the professional side of my life but my personal side was in pieces. My long time girlfriend Mandy and I had broke up & I moved out to live on my own, physical signs of type 2 diabetes starting showing up, started drinking booze more, still smoking cigarettes (almost two packs a day), my friends were becoming more distance and would communicate with me less and less (I had moved away from my hometown where my friends and family live). My life was falling apart.
I had seen the movie Shawshank Redemption at least 20 times before. Every basic cable channel has show it on a weekend at some point in their existence. In fact I think its a rule that it has to be playing o a channel during a Saturday afternoon every week. I love the story line. The director did a great job of turning Steven King's book into a movie staring Tim Robbins & Morgan Freeman but this time a certain scene really grabbed me. The scene between Andy and Red when Andy was asking Red if he ever thought he'd ever get out of prison. Instead of me trying to explain it just watch this 3 minute clip:
"Get busy living, or get busy dying". Those words cut me deep. Life really consists of those two choices. Sit around and do nothing or get off your ass and change things. Live or Die. Your choice.
I didn't make the choice right away. How could someone make that choice if they had little to no self love, self worth, or self esteem? I couldn't. My first goal was to decide if I was truly worth living for? Anymore disappointment to myself would have pushed me over the depression bridge and I was worried I would never come back. Time to start giving a damn about myself was now. It was time to "get busy living".
It would take me many attempts to start down the right path of learning to love myself more. Kind of like this blog. I would start but then become frustrated or get distracted and it would become less important. The key was to keep trying until it sticks, and it finally did. I finally started to give a crap about myself. I started looking into ways to quit smoking, started losing weight because I was changing what I was eating, not caring what others thought. That's a big one, to stop caring what haters think. When someone tries to improve their life the people around them will turn into 1 of 5 people.
The Cheerleader: these people will encourage you, ask you how things are going, compliment you on achieving goals.
The Distractor: I hate these peeps. They know that you are trying to change you life but they don't care. They'll still smoke around you, if you've quit smoking. Eat crappy stuff and fix/order you crappy stuff, if you're trying to eat better. Invite you out for drinks, if you're trying to quit alcohol.
The Eeyore: These people are hard to deal with because they want to make the same changes you are making but they haven't found that self worth, self love, or self esteem yet. Possibly they never will but you have more faith in them then they have for themselves. They don't realize they are Eeyores, heck I didn't realize I was one either until I changed.
The Don't Cares: they don't really notice anything. They've got their own stuff to worry about so your changes are noticeable to them. Every once in a while they might pipe up with a "You losing weight?" but any more than that is thin to nothing.
The Haters: whoa, these fucking assholes. I don't know what has happened in these peoples lives but either daddy and mommy didn't hug them enough, or they were constantly picked last on the playground, or they completely hate themselves and attempting to destroy other people's dreams makes them feel better. Nobody needs these pieces of shit in their life but we all have them. With Facebook, Twitter, and other online sources these trolls are even more apparent. Example: If you happen to be losing a lot of weight and you're posting more pics of yourself these assholes are the ones that bitch that all they see is selfies 24/7 (piss off and unfriend/unfollow me then douche-canoe).
In the honorable words of author and motivational speaker Grant Cardone, "Let your haters fuel you".
This was fun. I like where this blog is going. I want to tell my #LiveALittle story and I think I'm off to a good start. A problem I had before was what I was going to write about in the next "chapter", so placing a teaser here will motivate me to write the next one so here goes.
Next time: Find out how online dating was the inspriation of turing "My #LiveALittle" Project" from a personal mission into "The #LiveALittle Project", a public mission involving 600 people.